Revelations

IS AMERICA EVIL? WE ASK THE CHURCH OF SATAN.

America's war against Iraq, which is coming any day now, come hell or high water, has upset the entire globe. Iraq is understandably pissed, but even NATO -- an organization dedicated around the idea that an armed attack against a member is considered an armed attack on all its members -- can't seem to figure out what to do about America.

Who better to ask than the Church of Satan?

But before we dive right in, there are some things you should know about these Satanists. They don't worship goats or do anything special with virgins. They don't believe in gods or devils or the afterlife. And there is no such thing as absolute good or absolute evil. It's all kinda relative, depending on your personal interests.

So it follows that in this kind of Satanism, political philosophy is an individual's choice. And while this means there's no Satanic Right or Satanic Left on the horizon, their views are remarkably patriotic. What they essentially believe, is that life should be lived in the pursuit of pleasures, and we only get one chance to do it.

Sounds like America to us. [No, really.] Let's see what Peter H. Gilmore, high priest of the Church of Satan, has to say:

BT: Let's get right into it. America thinks Iraq is evil. Iraq thinks America is evil. Which side is the Church rooting for?

PG: Most Church of Satan members would support victory for the United States, since its secular form of government, as well as its culture, promotes individualism and freedom. This secularism is seen as "Satanic" by fanatical Muslims and rightly so -- from their perspective. The architects of the U.S. Government were Freemasons and they held many Satanic values, so we feel that Americans should embrace the role they give to us as "The Great Satan."

Should a fundamentalist Islamic regime come to power, they would obviously treat Satanists as enemies of the state. To support that outcome would not be a wise choice for Satanists.

Does the Church support wanton violence and destruction?

Violence must be seen in context in order to determine whether it is an offense or a boon to the observer. As an American, should our nation be at war, the violence inherent in the destruction of enemy targets would be seen as positive, whereas violence done against the country would be viewed as a negative -- though necessary -- consequence of war.

Okay, with that in mind, how did the events of September 11 effect the Church of Satan? What did you tell Satanists?

Satanists view the terrorist attacks by Islamic fundamentalist fanatics as more evidence that pairing spiritual doctrines with governments that are capable of wielding force is dangerous. If a government concerns itself with the secular -- not enshrining or enforcing a particular religious position -- then it can be a sane structure that promotes freedom of choice.

This danger of those who feel they are the "one true way," has long been noted by Satanists. The past couple of millennia have shown how dangerous Christianity has been. Particularly when it has been supported by the state, Christians have spilled oceans of blood in struggles between not only their religion and other religions, but in internal denominational differences of opinion.

The recent acts by terrorists have powerfully confirmed our position, and provided the world with ample evidence to recognize the validity of our point of view.

Saddam Hussein has gassed his own people with chemical weapons and committed innumerable atrocities. As you've said earlier, the Church believes that might makes right. So, Hussein's okay, right?

Rights are privileges doled-out by governments. Ultimately, Hussein will have to suffer the consequences of his actions. If his people willingly submit to his rule of violence, then he can get away with continued atrocities against them. However, he is but one man -- he could be deposed if a sufficient number of his subjects reject his actions. Whoever finally wins will write the history books and justify their actions.

C'mon, tell us. Who is more Satanic -- America or Iraq?

America is absolutely a Satanic nation, by our definition. Iraq is yet another spiritually oriented nation that is ruled by a despot -- business-as-usual considering the history of the governments on this world. We see the U.S. as being very unique in history, the world's first Satanic republic, and so it is important to many Satanists.

America is preparing to go to war without France and Germany and Russia onboard. Cats and dogs are living together. Mass hysteria in the streets. What does the Church of Satan think about our diplomatic stance?

The Church itself has nothing dogmatic to say. Satanism is a philosophy of pragmatism, and embraces the concept that the ends justify the means. Unfortunately, Satanists don't have access to enough data to accurately predict the consequences of this conflict, so we cannot presently say what would be a better mode of action.

I was hoping you guys had the inside track. Can't America just talk this thing out?

Would diplomacy work? Perhaps not. The terrorists -- and the governments that support them -- are apparently not rational, basing their decisions on idealistic spiritual principles. They are fanatics who cannot come to terms with practical solutions that allow for a diverse global society. To them, life is cheap. They believe in afterlife rewards. Satanists cherish their lives, and don't want to waste them, so we support the government that we trust will allow for our joys to be attained.

Perhaps it would have been wiser for the U.S. to have engineered Hussein's assassination and installed a government through covert means that would have rounded-up and destroyed those who wish to commit acts of terrorism against the U.S. government and its citizens. Machiavellian approaches often work better than the bald, "moralistic" confrontations of war.

Terrorists have that whole "might is right" philosophy down pat. Aren't they equally justified?

To be precise, their philosophy is that Allah is right, and they are justified in using any means at their disposal to bring the world under the dominion of their religious perspective. But like everyone else, they must suffer the consequences of their actions. If they rile-up a nation capable of rallying enough force to destroy them -- and such force may destroy many of their associates and families as well -- then that is what has been conjured.

The survivors may then see that it was Might, not Allah, who was the victor. I see this as a battle between a Western secular society and an eastern fanatical despotic religious society. I trust that the West's technology and passion for freedom will vanquish those who use force to bring others under the yoke of their religious doctrines.

Peace activists say war is evil. How do you feel about war?

War is only evil to you if you suffer from its consequences. At times, even people on the losing side have benefited from its aftermath, particularly when the "conqueror" pumps in all manner of aid to rebuild the conquered nation.

THE 11 SATANIC RULES OF THE EARTH

1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

3. When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

9. Do not harm little children.

10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

Satan's home town:

SIX THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT: TEXAS.

What makes Texans so crazy? What kind of bizarro culture makes them so obsessed with their own statehood? What's up with those fucking hats?

Well, my friends, I am risking having my passport revoked to share with you six things about Texas that you don't know. (Unless you're from Texas, then you'll know it.) Strap in and get ready to experience Lone Star State up close and in your face! If you get scared, just take a deep breath and think about New Jersey.

#1. The True Origins of "Don't Mess With Texas."

Everyone thinks this is some kind of jingoistic crazy Texan shotgun-rack-on-the-pickup-truck-type slogan. The funny thing about it is that it's really an anti-litter campaign. Yup. During the '80s, they had all these commercials meant to compete with the crying Native American dude commercial. They would show someone throwing a beer can out of a truck onto some roadside flowers and then say, "Don't Mess With Texas." Like literally, don't mess it up, asshole. The rest of the world misinterpreted it so now it's some kind of de facto rallying cry, but don't be fooled. Litter.

#2. Religious Education = "Super Makeout Party."

Texas is notorious for being deeply weirdo religious. Which don't get me wrong, in many adult cases it is. What nobody realizes, though, is that even Republicans aren't total losers. All teenagers, regardless of creed, want a chance to get away from their parents, drink cheap booze, and get to third base. Enter religion.

Between ski trips, lock-ins, sleep away bible camp, and a nauseating phenomenon called "Young Life," they found the perfect ruse. Since those things were always ostensibly Bible (or Torah)-focused, the parental supervision was sparse and lax. They're the "good kids" who voluntarily submit to indoctrination! Certainly none of them would be interested in filling their water bottles with vodka painstakingly filched from three different parents' liquor cabinets or giving head under the blankets in the back of the bus!

And because adults were all convinced that these "alternative activities" keeps kids out of trouble, every single sect of every single church, no matter how laid-back elsewhere, has these intense youth programs. Even Unitarians. Looking back, I have to assume that our parents knew what went on, to some extent, and just figured that you had to learn to finger a girl sometime. Oh what a friend we have in Jesus.

#3. There's a Baroque Hierarchy of Organizations Required to Properly Boost Football.

So everyone's heard about how Texans are these fanatical high school football fans a la "Varsity Blues," what with the shaving cream bikinis and the "I don't want your life." What people don't realize is that all of the football satellite organizations are equally fanatical. You don't have to be a concussed hillbilly with an overactive pituitary gland to get involved.

To wit, every football game my school plays requires a minimum of 24 school buses. You need your three hundred member band (7 buses + 18-wheeler full of instruments), your dance team (1 bus), drill team (2 buses), pep squad (4 buses), color guard plus twirlers (1 bus), varsity cheerleaders (1 bus), J.V. and Freshman cheerleaders (1 bus), J.V. and Freshman football teams, just in case (4 buses), R.O.T.C., to "guard" the band and assorted cheering and pep engineers (1 bus), the student council, to "greet" the other school's student council, which consisted of shaking hands and exchanging candy (1 bus), plus the actual football team itself (2 buses).

The mascot has to drive him/her self there because that privilege rotated every week. So at least half the school is required to participate in every single game. If you are not from Texas, you simply cannot conceive of the pageantry. There's a reason the Texas public school system is forced to make do with Apple IIGSes built out of rocks and mud: the uniforming alone is like the entire school's budget. Of course, who needs computers to learn anyway? Twirling is the kind of thing you can really build a career on.

#4. Private School is for Kids Who Can't Hack it at Normal School.

Well that's just public school, though, right? Where the dumb and poor kids go? Surely there are high-powered prep schools for rich, smart children who wish to attend an Ivy someday. Hah! You liberal Northern fool.

There are exactly two colleges worth attending: The University of Texas and Texas A&M. Anything you can't learn there is most likely some form of homosexual mind control. So private schools come in exactly two flavors: military and special needs. Are you a discipline problem? Are the radically underpaid teachers in public school scared of you/tired of disciplining you? Welp, off to military school with you. Complete with uniforms, drill lessons, inspections, push-ups, and scary grown-ups screaming at you.

And don't worry, moms and dads, military school isn't just for surly teens. If the Ritalin isn't doing its job, there are military school opportunities for kiddies as young as pre-K! If your problems are more in the cognitive arena, you can go to a special needs school. Small classroom sizes provide the extra help and instruction you require. And don't worry, all the kids on your block know you go there. You don't have to go to school with them for them to beat the crap out of you. Have fun in that pigeonhole for the rest of your life, you retard.

#5. The Civil War is Not Our Racially Insensitive War of Choice.

This may surprise a lot of people but Texans aren't really that big into the Civil War. I mean, sure, there are lots of Confederate flags lying around and stuff, but really you've got to go to Alabama and Georgia to get really quality "War of Northern Aggression" talk. Our most favorite war is the Texas War of Independence, otherwise known as "That One With the Alamo." That's the one where, in a "brilliant military tactic," we slaughtered thousands of Mexican soldiers in their sleep. And took back the land that was rightfully ours. 'Cause, uh, we said so.

#6. We Have Bizarre College Mascot Rituals.

We in Texas love a good joke. When overt racism went out of style, many funny jokes were threatened with extinction just because they implied that white people were smarter than some other race of people. Fortunately, a way was found to salvage these jokes. Colleges!

Every Texan child, at birth, is determined to be either a University of Texas Longhorn or a Texas A&M Aggie. There is a ritual involved that I won't get into. Suffice it to say that if you are Longhorn, you think Aggies are dumb and vice-versa. It was discovered you could just plug in Longhorn and Aggie for Jew and Catholic or whatever, and voila! Instant joke fodder! It doesn't stop there, though.

If you are lucky enough to actually attend the school you have inexplicably been rooting for your entire life, you must cheer on your team's mascot at the football games. UT's mascot is, unsurprisingly, a Longhorn steer named Bevo. Like the majority of the school's students, Bevo spends most of his life in a drugged-up stupor. They plunk the poor thing down on the sideline during games to incite pep, but that's about all he does.

Texas A&M, being a little more war-like and well, nutty, has a collie named Reveille that they treat like some kind of god. There is a special unit of the "Corps," which is Aggiespeak for crazy weird R.O.T.C., assigned to care for it. They trot this dog around campus, and if it barks during class, well, that class is dismissed. For real. Corps members must salute it. When one dies, they bury it under the goal post.

Kids tease each other based on their choice of school and mascot. This is usually pretty puerile, to the tune of "you suck/no you suck". Any Longhorn kid lucky enough to be exposed to the song "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" through music class is golden, though, because of the line "He's in the army now, he's blowing Reveille, he's the Boogie Woogie bugle boy from company B." Hours of entertainment. It's almost enough to make one miss race-based humor.

So that's it. That's what you outlanders have been missing. It should shed some light on the whole "Republic of Texas" phenomenon. Now you can wink knowingly at your ex-pat friends from Texas. You've got their number. Don't Mess with Texas indeed. And remember, hook 'em, horns!

Is that Texan George Bush Satan?

In an ever-increasing fit of Bush disgust, I wanted to go back and look up Hugo Chavez quote from the UN about Bush being the devil. So, google Bush+satan -- lo and behold there are pages and pages of stuff about Bush and links to Satan -- and these folks are totally serious. Here's a shocking story I found....

Several members of a Satanic cult were found murdered in a house they occupied for the express purpose of holding rituals, which included human sacrifice and the worst kinds of torture and abuse. One lone survivor of this massacre turned out to be -- George W. Bush!

According to these reports he couldn't explain to police where he had been for 3 days, and the prosecutor was only throttled by intense pressure from very high levels to back off his investigation of W.

This article goes on to describe Bush's reaction to being asked about the incident, when running for President.

http://www.conspiracyplanet.com/channel.cfm?channelid=39&contentid=1396&page=2

There are several sites with information on this story. Granted they are conspiracy theory sites, so you have to consider that.

There are plenty of other sites that openly accuse Bush of being a practising Satanist. In fact, a Christian evangelical group has openly called for his impeachment over the issue.

Okay, so could this be true? Well, let's look at a few facts we know. You can't argue with dead bodies -- somebody killed them. That's a fact. Not only did Bush not deny he had any involvement in the issue, he threatened the reporters for asking about it. That's not exactly a display of righteous indignation.

It's also a fact that Bush gets together with some of the most powerful men in the world every July at Bohemian Grove in California. Reports of activities there are hedonistic and decidedly X-rated.

The event ends every year with a mock human sacrifice ritual to the ancient Babylonian god Molech -- the same one they sacrificed their children to and God condemns utterly in Leviticus.

Ask yourself this question? Why is your President (along with the world's most influential leaders) participating in a pagan sacrifice ritual (security paid for by us)? Isn't that absolutely bizarre behavior for grown men?

Video of this event is available on Youtube. Just punch up Bohemian Grove and you will see the participants, all garbed in ceremonial robes offering up their sacrifice to the God, including G W Bush -- or Satan -- whichever you prefer.

Sources: The Church of Satan, Cafe and blacktable

http://educate-yourself.org/cn/skolnickoverthrowamericanrepub47part10feb04.shtml

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The Church Of Satan